Long story short, my inner child is thirteen years old. She's rebellious, rambunctious and rowdy. She hates being told what to do and thinks most things, especially things she "has to do" are stupid or boring. She's fun at parties and bounces around like Tigger in social situations. She's a blast, and really comes in handy sometimes. Other times, she's a brat and sets out to sabotage me.
I met her in therapy years ago, when it became evident through reviewing years of choices and actions, that she'd been 'driving the car' for years. My wonderful therapist Bob worked with me on getting her to move over to the passenger seat, and let Grown-Up Me take over. ("You don't have to kick her out of the car," he said "but you can't let her keep driving...") Good times.
A couple years ago, I even had a birthday "Alter Ego" party. Tongue in cheek, I showed up as "Thirteen." (See left!)
I love that I have this side of me, I love that she loves to play, she loves people, loves fun, is a blast to hang with and is always up for an adventure. What I haven't loved lately are her efforts to sabotage my wellness choices.
She surprised me with a visit in a Drawing Out Process session, with Process Creator, Emily Eldredge, showing up immediately, as Emily invited me to explore the "WHYs" of my health and fitness sabotages-of-the past.
I met her in therapy years ago, when it became evident through reviewing years of choices and actions, that she'd been 'driving the car' for years. My wonderful therapist Bob worked with me on getting her to move over to the passenger seat, and let Grown-Up Me take over. ("You don't have to kick her out of the car," he said "but you can't let her keep driving...") Good times.
A couple years ago, I even had a birthday "Alter Ego" party. Tongue in cheek, I showed up as "Thirteen." (See left!)
I love that I have this side of me, I love that she loves to play, she loves people, loves fun, is a blast to hang with and is always up for an adventure. What I haven't loved lately are her efforts to sabotage my wellness choices.
She surprised me with a visit in a Drawing Out Process session, with Process Creator, Emily Eldredge, showing up immediately, as Emily invited me to explore the "WHYs" of my health and fitness sabotages-of-the past.
Emily asked me to draw her, with crayons. And as I did, Emily asked me about her. Thirteen was suspicious of all these changes. Resistant. Scared.
Emily then guided me through a dialogue with her. I'll be honest, it was a little weird- I felt a little crazy, like Sybil at times, my voice even sounded different when Thirteen spoke! But as Emily probed and prodded Thirteen, and I continued to allow her to speak, we realized some really interesting things...
Emily then guided me through a dialogue with her. I'll be honest, it was a little weird- I felt a little crazy, like Sybil at times, my voice even sounded different when Thirteen spoke! But as Emily probed and prodded Thirteen, and I continued to allow her to speak, we realized some really interesting things...
- Thirteen PRETENDS to hate changes, like new healthy foods and healthy choices, like if I want to go see a movie instead of go to happy hour... she calls them BORING and STUPID. But REALLY, she admitted, she's just uncomfortable.
- Thirteen is scared that if Grown-Up Me continues to grow up, I will forget her. Ignore her. That she will be destroyed. No wonder she wants to sabotage my efforts. She's afraid of annihilation.
- Secretly, she actually LIKES some of the new foods and choices I've been making. And she REALLY loves hoop dancing!
- She really just wants to be included. She doesn't hate me getting healthy. In fact, she admitted that when I'm healthier, she actually has more fun, because we have more energy and stamina and spirit. Thirteen loves those things! She just doesn't want to be forgotten. She doesn't want to die.
We shook on it. I felt lighter. More peaceful.
Then Emily asked me to draw another picture of her. This is what I drew. Notice any difference?
We asked Thirteen to speak again. She said wasn't scared anymore. She trusted me, and that I wouldn't ever let her die. I told her I loved her. Not just that. I LIKED her. That made her very happy.
I think Thirteen and I are going to have a great time getting healthier together.
You can learn more about Emily Eldredge and her innovative and unique Drawing Out Process here.
Then Emily asked me to draw another picture of her. This is what I drew. Notice any difference?
We asked Thirteen to speak again. She said wasn't scared anymore. She trusted me, and that I wouldn't ever let her die. I told her I loved her. Not just that. I LIKED her. That made her very happy.
I think Thirteen and I are going to have a great time getting healthier together.
You can learn more about Emily Eldredge and her innovative and unique Drawing Out Process here.
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