 I retreated. I indulged. Press reset! On January 15th, I decided to start the 21 day Cleanse over again. I was technically more than halfway through, but then I retreated that weekend with 12 other women for a Goddess Getaway. Let's just say eating within the Cleanse guidelines suddenly seemed to be less important than having fun, and having fun for me, that particular weekend, had a lot to do with eating and drinking!
It was interesting to notice the super quick effects on my system, when I reintroduced dairy, wheat, gluten, sugar, alcohol and corn into my body. (All within hours!) It was as if my body said "WHAAAAA? REALLY, Lisa??" So while I certainly enjoyed the short term gratification of indulging, (as in "mmmmm....) there were consequences that I had to accept as well. My digestive system was all jacked up... let's just say things weren't moving as smoothly as they had been. I felt sluggish and hazy the next day, and found myself desiring a quick and speedy "RESET!"
I decided instead of calling it a "Cheat Day" (It was more like a full-blown affair) I would start my Cleanse from Day 1. The truth of the matter is, this time around, I'm finding it MORE difficult to adhere to all of the rules of the Cleanse. Granted, I am eating VERY differently than I used to, I've eliminated soy, corn, flour, wheat and most sugars... but there are other parts I've been slacking on. Missing the mark. Short of perfection.
Really though, I'm doing the best I can, right now. I think that's what matters. Striving for perfection is exhausting. Striving to be better than I was is liberating and empowering.
So of course there are many things I want to do better, I want to be better at. But in this moment, I want to focus on what I did well this week. One of the things I want to celebrate is that yesterday, I allowed myself to be lazy and lounge around much of the day, WITHOUT being sick or having a hangover. If you know me, you know that for me to slow down and have unscheduled time to laze around is really unheard of, so much so, that my body HAS to get sick before I will lay around and rest. For this reason, I believe, my wily and clever body comes down with strep throat a few times a year, just to get me to cancel my plans, lay around and rest. And every time this happens, I say, "I hear you body. I will rest. And maybe next time, I will just rest, without having to get sick to do so."
This week, I actually did it. And it felt really good.
NOW I am ready to move. I admit that one component missing from my wellness challenge this first month has been adequate movement. I've moved a little more, but my body longs for MORE.
My Success Plan this week: - MORE MOVEMENT. Three to five 30 minute walks. Scheduling "walk n talks" with friends so I can also get my socializing and connection time in, too! Yoga on Monday too.- A day off on Friday (no working allowed. SO hard when I love my work so much, but I'm excited about the day. An art museum trip with a friend, a massage... yum!- Getting together with my wellness team at Living Well Dallas to plan a comprehensive strategy for my goals.- Doing my best to adhere to my Cleanse guidelines. - I'm going to experiment more with quinoa, my new favorite grain!- Drink more water. I've been skimping, more like the 'old days' of dehydration as a lifestyle... NEED MORE AGUA!
What's your Success Plan for the week? Do tell!:)
 Long story short, my inner child is thirteen years old. She's rebellious, rambunctious and rowdy. She hates being told what to do and thinks most things, especially things she "has to do" are stupid or boring. She's fun at parties and bounces around like Tigger in social situations. She's a blast, and really comes in handy sometimes. Other times, she's a brat and sets out to sabotage me.
I met her in therapy years ago, when it became evident through reviewing years of choices and actions, that she'd been 'driving the car' for years. My wonderful therapist Bob worked with me on getting her to move over to the passenger seat, and let Grown-Up Me take over. ("You don't have to kick her out of the car," he said "but you can't let her keep driving...") Good times.
A couple years ago, I even had a birthday "Alter Ego" party. Tongue in cheek, I showed up as "Thirteen." (See left!)
I love that I have this side of me, I love that she loves to play, she loves people, loves fun, is a blast to hang with and is always up for an adventure. What I haven't loved lately are her efforts to sabotage my wellness choices.
She surprised me with a visit in a Drawing Out Process session, with Process Creator, Emily Eldredge, showing up immediately, as Emily invited me to explore the "WHYs" of my health and fitness sabotages-of-the past.
 _Emily asked me to draw her, with crayons. And as I did, Emily asked me about her. Thirteen was suspicious of all these changes. Resistant. Scared.
Emily then guided me through a dialogue with her. I'll be honest, it was a little weird- I felt a little crazy, like Sybil at times, my voice even sounded different when Thirteen spoke! But as Emily probed and prodded Thirteen, and I continued to allow her to speak, we realized some really interesting things...
- Thirteen PRETENDS to hate changes, like new healthy foods and healthy choices, like if I want to go see a movie instead of go to happy hour... she calls them BORING and STUPID. But REALLY, she admitted, she's just uncomfortable.
- Thirteen is scared that if Grown-Up Me continues to grow up, I will forget her. Ignore her. That she will be destroyed. No wonder she wants to sabotage my efforts. She's afraid of annihilation.
- Secretly, she actually LIKES some of the new foods and choices I've been making. And she REALLY loves hoop dancing!
- She really just wants to be included. She doesn't hate me getting healthy. In fact, she admitted that when I'm healthier, she actually has more fun, because we have more energy and stamina and spirit. Thirteen loves those things! She just doesn't want to be forgotten. She doesn't want to die.
She and Grown-Up Me made a pact. I will include her in this getting healthy thing- giving her plenty of opportunities to play, have fun, be rambunctious and rowdy, and once in a while even indulgent... and she promised to cancel her efforts to pull me off path.
 _We shook on it. I felt lighter. More peaceful.
Then Emily asked me to draw another picture of her. This is what I drew. Notice any difference?
We asked Thirteen to speak again. She said wasn't scared anymore. She trusted me, and that I wouldn't ever let her die. I told her I loved her. Not just that. I LIKED her. That made her very happy.
I think Thirteen and I are going to have a great time getting healthier together.
You can learn more about Emily Eldredge and her innovative and unique Drawing Out Process here.
So Week One of my 'new leaf' for healthier living and the 21-day Cleanse has passed and while I wasn't perfect, I've decided 'perfect' is not what I'm aiming for. I just want to do better. Do better than the lazy, careless choices I've been making with how to take care of myself. Do better, like someone who CARES about themselves and what they put into their bodies.
And I've had SO much fun this week.
I'm pretty proud of myself. Check it out, yo. In the last week, I:
- bought a bunch of things I'd never bought before, and have been brave and experimental!
- made kale chips
- fell in love with coconut oil
- fried some eggplant in aforementioned coconut oil, lightly dusted with flaxseed meal...
- danced
- hooped
- walked
- stayed away from most sugars (although I'm holding onto my coffee and flavored creamer in the morning, for now, I've reduced most all other sugars)
- no white flour or wheat
- no corn or corn products
- no dairy
- no diet soda (I admit, I miss it, a lot.) or artificial sweetners
- drank a few hundred ounces of water (I used to say I didn't like water. Now I know what it feels like to be hydrated.)
- made a delectable vegetable soup that I ate all week
- slept like a baby most nights
- bought organic for the first time
- dropped nearly 7 lbs (now I know why it's called a "cleanse"... lots of bathroom visits, all day long!)
- had an awesome Drawing Out Process session with Emily Eldridge that was VERY informative, enlightening and healing. (I'll share more about that later.)
- started a 2 week liver cleanse, now half-way through...
NOT BAD for Week One, I'll say. Friday night was definitely a "cheat night"... seems far easier to follow the guidelines when I stay in my house. Met some friends out, with the intention of not drinking alcohol. That didn't work. I also smoked cigarettes, starting with a 'mooched' one, then onto my own fresh pack... but getting caught up in shaming myself isn't gonna serve me. It happened. I'm done. Moving on.
I DID jump right back on track with the Cleanse rules the next day, and I was really surprised at how quick my bounce-back time was.
Overall, I'm feeling is soooo much better than I was before I started. One of the main differences I notice away from the 'bad carbs' and sugars is that my energy levels stay consistent all day long, for the most part, as well as my moods. ANOTHER cool thing is that I haven't really been craving sugars or starches the way I used to. I stay 'satisfied' after eating for much longer and while I'm snacking healthy throughout the day, I don't get that ravenous feeling that makes me grab at anything and make poor choices. My cravings for junk seem to be gone, or at least not obsessive! My 'old life' was a roller-coaster existence with highs and lows all day (sugar highs and crashes, no doubt.). I like this steady energy and consistent happy mood thing! Then when it's time for bed, I'm tired and I crash... the way I was designed to.
I'm excitedly moving into Week Two knowing firsthand how much food affects my moods, feeling the difference in my energy level, my vitality. Crazy no-brainer, but some of us are a little slower than others: Eating GOOD food means I feel GOOD! Seems simple, doesn't it? No, I have not lost my affection for french fries. And I do have some lusty plans for reuniting with a good chunk of cheese later this month... but for now, I'm staying away. Cause feeling good feels really, really good.
So how about you?
- What successes would you like to brag on?
- Try anything new?
- What bloopers or slips can you let yourself off the hook for, and get back on track with me?You can share them in the comments below, or post them on the Facebook page. I wanna know. Cause we're in this together. ;)
Here's to a sacred, sexy, HEALTHY week two of 2012, for you and for me!
 _Years ago, I thought it'd be funny to write and publish a flip-book of excuses. It'd be spiral-bound, sorted by category, you'd keep it by the phone, use it whenever you need a good one. Because I've got a lot of them, enough for a flip book. Some of my best ones, though, I've used on myself.I've had a lot of great excuses over the years, about why I haven't stayed committed to my desires for healthy living, movement and dedicated self-care. And so have you. I asked the SacredSexyHealthy group for some of their favorite excuses. Here are some of them. Any of them sound familiar? (ME: yes.)
- too busy.
- too tired.
- not enough time.
- not enough money.
- past wounds, depression, victim-thinking.
- too lazy.
- it's too difficult...
Think of all your favorite excuses, throw them in a paper sack in your mind, roll over the top so they don't jump out, and put a big sticker on the bag, labeling them for what they really are: resistance. Every possible, creative and not-so-creative excuse you've ever used is really about you resisting what on ONE level you SAY you want, on another, deeper, even unconscious level, you are resisting. Why? Why would we resist what we want? What we KNOW is good for us? I'm going to ask you to do something really brave with me, right now. You might even want to go sit with your journal for this one.Soooo... when you think of your life so far, and consider your resistance to getting healthier, making choices and changes that will make your life better, help you live longer, make you feel great... ask yourself this: Why am I resisting? What am I really afraid of?Ask it again. What am I REALLY afraid of?
Once more. What am I really AFRAID of?
I realized recently that at the root of my resistance was fear. I bet it's at the root of your resistance, too.
Here are some of my fears...
- I'm afraid of being boring.
- I'm afraid of missing out on fun.- I'm afraid of feeling controlled.- I'm afraid of becoming "one of those" annoying health zealots that knows everything about everything and makes people feel uncomfortable at parties (like- "do you KNOW what the cows that made the milk that made that brie WERE FED?" "Do you know that taco chip has 39 artificial flavors in it?")
- I'm afraid if I get too awesome I will be unlikable and unloved.
- I'm afraid of life being "TOO PERFECT". If I am completely healthy, fit, happy... if all my chronic pain is gone... if my allergy suffering goes away... THEN WHAT?? What will I complain about? What will be expected of me?
Granted, these are not all "surface fears" that permeate my conscious thoughts... some of them took some digging, they were hidden pretty well, cleverly disguised as judgments, opinions and resistances of all sorts...
But they are in there, sneaky little bastards. And until now, I've let them hang out and keep me 'safe.' You might have some too.
Your answers may look like mine or may include things like...
- I'm afraid of losing friends.
- I'm afraid my family will reject me.
- I'm afraid that THEN I'll have to make some even tougher changes.
- Will the dynamic in my marriage change, once I am loving myself, really loving myself well? (If you're asking that, it probably will.)
What, UP TIL NOW, have you been afraid of, really afraid of, when it comes to being the healthiest, most vital and alive version of yourself?
I've just exposed myself. Please ease my awkward vulnerability by doing the same... won't you? ;)
 The fridge of a healthy person.
(See all those bags? There's veggies in 'em.) Today was a much better day... started the day off on the right foot, journaling, praying, reading (just re-started Mark Nepo's "The Book of Awakening", which I cherish and highly recommend!)
Funny how doing these things makes a huge difference as to what kind of day I have. That's certainly an experiment I don't need to keep repeating in my "Life Lab"... but I do. Days that aren't started like this go a bit bumpier, for sure. Like yesterday, for example... but let's not go there.
This afternoon, I brought my Cleanse grocery list to Sunflower Market and shopped til I dropped. Had to ask for help repeatedly, felt a bit out of my comfort zone around the plethora of things I have no knowledge or experience with... all those 'weird healthy things that healthy people eat...' but I must say, I rather enjoyed shopping like a healthy person.
A tool I recommend to my coaching clients all the time is one I've used myself. Several years ago, when I was trying to change and shift out of some old, destructive patterns, I couldn't seem to get past 'who I'd always been'. So I would start each day writing at the top of my daily planner: "Today I make choices based on who I want to be, rather than who I've always been." Day after day, I did this. And day after day, I made choices, some big and some small, as if I was already the person I wanted to become. And guess what? I became that person.
Because change happens only when we finally decide to let go of who we've always been. Change happens when we stop talking about being and start ACTING like the person we want to be. Change happens choice by choice. One good choice at a time.
Fill in the blanks as it pertains to your life and change you are wanting to create:
When I make choices, day after day, like someone who is ____ , eventually I will BE someone who is _____.
It's where the rubber meets the road, I suppose. And here I am again, making changes based on who I want to be (this time, a healthy person) rather than who I've been (a less than healthy person.)
So today I shopped like a healthy person. I drank lots of water, like a healthy person. I made a delicious pot of vegetable soup, like a healthy person. I ate three cups of it like a person who still has to learn portion control. But... still, I feel good about my choices. It wasn't cheese. It wasn't cookies. It was delicious veggie soup, loaded with cabbage, broccoli, mushrooms, carrots, green beans and cilantro.
Because someone who eats healthy is loving herself well. In a world where 'cheap and easy' rules, and eating well ain't always easy, or cheap... I'm finding that my choices are actually declarations: YES, I AM WORTH CHOPPING VEGETABLES FOR. YES I am worth 50 cents more for a bag of organic carrots.YES I am worth hydrating for... The truth is revealing itself. Perhaps the missing key, all along, has been quite simply, a radical, wild and luscious sense of self-worth. Mmmm... I'm gonna read that again to myself, real slow and silky-like...
a radical, wild and luscious sense of self-worth.
And isn't a radical, wild and luscious sense of self-worth SACRED and SEXY?
(It's sure sexier than a hangover. Or wearing only elastic stretch pants cuz all of my jeans have 'shrunk' while hanging in the closet. Or pressing the snooze button for two and a half hours...)
Maybe I'm finally catching on.Transparently yours,
Lisa Carmen
 Before the purge. Buh-bye, Sangria, Chardonnay, cheese and soda... _Geez. I haven't even begun my Cleanse yet... only in the preparation days (three of them, written into the program. Which is great, cuz I'll need them. Lots to prepare.) I am finding myself resistant and cranky.
I have a taste for cookies.
I want hot cocoa.
I wanted to dip my carrot sticks into ranch dressing.
I got a big old dark chocolate bar for Christmas that I wanted to crack open today.
But I didn't do or eat any of those things.
I'm SO used to putting something in my mouth whenever I damned well feel like it. Working from home, that means I put things in my mouth A LOT. That would explain putting on 20 lbs this year... it's not about weight, Lisa... or is it?
It's about a thousand things. (More on that later.)
Very aware of the self-talk (self-arguing?) going on. I also started my period today so I'm edgy and moody and focusing on all the things I'll be giving up... many of them, for just 21 days as part of the Cleanse. Many of them, for good. And many of them, technically, I have already given up, starting today. Today is DAY ONE.
Here's the buh-bye list...
- Diet soda. (I'm in the Coke Rewards program, if you're wondering whether I like soda or not.)
- White sugars
- White flours
- Corn and things with corn based chemicals.
- Dairy. I went on a little cheese binge last night, knowing it was "D-DAY". I called it "clearing out the fridge..." I am a cheese whore. Or I was, until today. Yogurt, brie, cheddar, provolone, cottage cheese, I will miss you. Who knows, maybe we'll get back together again someday. Right now though, I must stay away from you.
- Packaged, processed foods.
- Alcohol. Not hard to stay away from today. My body's still recovering from New Year's festivities. Ask me on Friday, when Happy Hour starts to taunt me.
- Cigarettes. Another 'loss' I don't mind at all right now, I don't even smoke every day, and average about one a day, tops... BUT I like to have what I want when I want and when I want a cigarette and don't have one... will I survive? (Of course.)
Luckily I learned today by reading the book, I DON'T have to give up meat or eggs, like I'd thought. So I got that going for me. Woo-hoo!
My Inner Rebel is feeling bitchy.
My Inner Goddess - I call her Magnificent Me - reminds my inner rebel that all this is FOR me, not against me. That this is a gift, not a curse. That soon i will feel better than I have felt in years... maybe ever.
I release all of these toxic things because of the promises offered to me in Betty's book and other sources... wellness. Vitality. Relief from pain, allergies. Weight adjustments. Energy... I would like to experience all of those benefits. Those benefits will be soooooooooo worth the sacrifices of these poisonous things...
AND just in case they are not... who says I can't later return to cheese/cigarettes/martini/tortillas/cookies/Diet Coke... whatever my poor deprived body just can't live without.
This is an experiment, after all.
This is a test. This is only a test. I am in control of every choice. My choices are not being taken away from me. I just choose differently, for a change. (Literally. I am choosing FOR A CHANGE... A big change.)
So my successes today...
- Today I cleaned my fridge out, getting rid of all kinds of things. Dumping wine feels like sacrilege. Tossing feta cheese felt like crime. Tossing the Cool Whip was too much... so I did sneak a finger-dollop before it was gone... actually, three of them.
Now my fridge is barren and ready to be filled with lots of colorful veggies and fruits and healthy things.
- Today I made smart food choices that honor my decision to get healthy (for the most part.)
- I also found that contrary to what I'd thought, I do have JUST enough space to spin a hula hoop, in my office, if I move a couple things... so there goes the 'not enough room to hoop' excuse. Felt great!
- I also started a milk-thistle enzymatic Liver Cleanse today.
Tomorrow, grocery shopping... 30 minutes of movement... stretch breaks, hoop breaks... more learning and more choices that will empower me on this path.
The verdict on DAY ONE: So far... so good, I suppose. Even if I am cranky.
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