 What's that saying?
"We plan and God laughs..."
While I don't believe in a God that throws curve balls at us for a good laugh, I get the premise. In spite of our greatest intentions, sometimes life decides it needs our attentions elsewhere, and wants to offer us a greater scope with which to view things, a larger capacity for defining things like "health" and "wellness".
Truth is, I started out this year with big ideas of getting healthy, but mostly I wanted to lose weight. And what life had in store for me had very little to do with weight, and everything to do with SELF-CARE.
Self-care has always been a novel concept that appealed to me. For years, I even thought I practiced it. I'd go get a massage from time to time or a mani/pedi and think... AHHH this is self-care.
And then what for years was an annoyance become a crisis... chronic pain that I'd been 'managing' (ie, ignoring) decided it was no longer willing to be ignored. I was thrown right off my horse... there was no getting around this. The pain has been so intense and so consuming that it has affected every area of my life: fitness, relationships, work, sex, dance. It at times has caused me to be depressed, angry, and not much fun to be around. I've cried. I've prayed. I've tried to numb and escape with less than loving tactics.
And now, as this physical pain intensified, and screamed so loudly for attention, I finally started tending to it. Seeking treatment again, experimenting with various healing modalities, stretching, pharmaceuticals, emergency room visits, an inversion table... you name it. All at once. With all this attention, the pain got WORSE. I had taken such an aggressive approach that the inflammation increased. I was told by my providers to cease certain treatments, to take it easy. calm down, slow down, allow myself to heal.
"Slow down." I've been getting this message for years.Working with my Life Coach, Jeanie Smith, I had an incredibly important breakthrough. I came face to face with a shadow quality that had basically been running my show for my entire life. That I must "DO" - perform - to be worthy of love. That I must produce, constantly. That if I wasn't doing, I might disappear. I learned at an incredibly young age (2, to be specific) that performing made them love me. Dancing on stage for audiences as a toddler, I felt most visible and most loved when I was doing. And this was still the case. Jeanie lovingly held space for me while I cried through this realization. And then, she coached me through a process of lovingly returning to that two year old girl and letting her know that she didn't have to do a damned thing to be worthy of love. She was worthy simply by being. How much of my life has been driven by this? And what would my life be like if I simply allowed myself more BEING, without DOING?"Slow down." The message has became loud and clear. Sometimes slowing down requires action, oddly enough. I released what I was ready to release. I began to seriously invest (I'm talking money here) in my healing. I have taken actions as if I was someone completely and fully committed to her healing.
And while it's now June and I haven't lost a pound, in fact, I'm pretty sure I've added a few since kicking off SacredSexyHealthy, I've also made important changes- make that CRITICAL changes- in the way I live, eat, work, exist, think and relate. So my "plan" to lose a bunch of weight, tone and become a 'health nut' hasn't really unfolded the way I'd intended, something else is happening... something even more important than how I LOOK...
I am tending to the needs of my body like never before.
I am listening.
I am committed.
This has become the focus of my wellness journey.
I wanted to reinvent myself but my notions were askew. I am being reinvented, that's for sure. Into someone that radically loves and cares for herself. I am finally committed to me. And I'd say that's pretty healthy.
Thank you to all who have been supporting me on this path- Melody Williams, Brenda Briscoe, Hillary Arrieta, Jeanie Smith, Betty Murray, Jenny Bair, Audra Whatley and my beloved friends and family who love me just because, and I don't have to DO anything for their love! Oh, and the hidden gifts the chronic pain has given me? Don't even get me started! That's for another blog. ;)
How have you committed to your self-care? What have you been releasing on your wellness journey? How are you experiencing healing? I want to know.
photo by Modern Noir Studios
 Brenda Briscoe, Bowen Therapist Extraordinaire! _ I’ve tried many forms of healing modalities and bodywork over the years, and hands down, Bowen Therapy is one of my absolute favorites. When I’ve talked about these experiences with people, it’s challenging for me to describe what it does, and why. It’s different, no doubt. A couple of the biggest differences? The sessions are experienced fully clothed, and are performed in a series of sequences. The practitioner then leaves the room between sequences. When I’ve had Bowen done, I’ve become so relaxed I’ve fallen asleep. I’ve also noticed such interesting and ‘active’ sensations moving through my body. The best way to describe the feeling is like conversations in my nerves that I can actually feel… like there are all kinds of electrical pulses and movements and sensations moving through me, up and down my nervous system, writing a new body story.I don’t know how or why it works, but it does. I feel relief from chronic pain during and after a session, and the session itself is very pleasurable and relaxing. But I thought I’d let my Bowen therapist do a better job of explaining this different and effective modality! Meet my Bowen Therapy practitioner, a member of the Living Well Dallas team, Brenda Briscoe… LC: Hi Brenda! How would you describe Bowen easily to someone who’d never heard of it? BB: Bowen Therapy is easy to receive yet powerful, bringing quick, profound, and long-lasting results for pain and other physiological conditions. It's the best-kept secret in town! LC: So why Bowen? BB: I was introduced to Bowen Therapy in my search for an answer to help my step-daughter with her pain from scoliosis. It was life-changing for her. Ever since, I have seen it work near miracles in so many instances where people had tried "almost everything" (in the words of many). Conditions like sciatica, carpal tunnel syndrome, migraine headaches, and a myriad of sport injuries have been resolved with Bowen in one or just a few sessions. The beauty of it is that to get these great results, the client does not have to endure deep work and great pain. The work is simple, noninvasive and quite pleasurable. LC: I know it’s different. But I have a hard time explaining it! What's different about it? BB: Bowen Therapy is done through the clothing and there are no oils or lotions used. It is definitely a hands-on therapy where the muscles, nerves, and fascia are manipulated in a skin-rolling type of movement. The autonomic nervous system is alerted and neuromuscular compensations begin to unravel, bringing every system of the body back into balance. LC: How did you discover Bowen Therapy? BB: My step-daughter has scoliosis and wore a back brace for a few years starting at age 13. It did not help straighten her spine, although perhaps it helped it not to worsen during those developmental years. She began to have a lot of pain in her later teenage years. Although chiropractic had helped her quite a bit, she came to a plateau with it and was looking for something else to help her pain. An alternative health professional asked me if we had ever considered Bowen Therapy. At the time, we had never heard of this and discovered there was only one practitioner in the entire metroplex. She said a Bowen Therapy course would be taught in Dallas in two months and I should take it. What a life-changing experience it was when I took her advice and participated in this course.
 It feels really good... _LC: How has Bowen Therapy has helped you personally?
BB: In several ways. It has given me a unique way to fulfill my passion for helping hurting people. Each client and session is different, and this keeps me motivated and stimulated. With every successful resolution of a problematic condition, I gain more confidence and excitement about this technique and how it can help many people.
It has helped me financially in that it has given me a career I would not have found had it not been for my step-daughter's need. I also get to teach this technique in massage schools, giving me another career to help me financially.
Physically, Bowen Therapy has saved me time and again. I seem to be accident prone and, had I not been able to do Bowen on myself or go to another local practitioner, I would have been out of work quite a few days or weeks with each of my injuries. However, with Bowen Therapy the recovery time is extremely short. For example, I sprained my ankle and could not put any weight on it. I did Bowen Therapy on it at bedtime and was able to sleep without pain. Upon waking in the morning, I did about a minute's worth of Bowen on it, waited ten minutes, then got up and walked as if nothing had ever happened -- still swollen and discolored, but no pain and no limping.
LC: During our sessions, you leave the room every couple minutes. This is really different from any other bodywork I’ve had! I’ve noticed when you leave and I’m alone on the table is when some of the most interesting sensations are taking place in my body. It’s pretty amazing! Why do you leave the room so often?
BB: This is crucial to this work. I do my part, the hands-on technique, and then it is up to the client's body to do the rest (the nervous system's response). There needs to be a few minutes of time given for the spinal cord and the brain to process the new neural information. A resetting of the autonomic nervous system needs to happen, like rebooting a computer. This does not happen in an instant, but rather requires a little bit of time. The client will be more relaxed and responsive if I am not standing in the room talking with them.
LC: Thanks so much for sharing this amazing modality with SacredSexyHealthy readers, Brenda! Do you have any special invitations for them?
BB: Yes! To those who are reading this and just hearing about Bowen Therapy for the first time, I will offer a one-time $20 discount if you mention SacredSexyHealthy!
LC: Take advantage of this offer, readers. I hope you love Bowen Therapy like I do.
You can learn more about Brenda Briscoe and contact her through Living Well Dallas.
_
 _The other day, I finally had a massage with Melody Williams at Living Well Dallas. I say finally because I have been wanting to see her for some time… three months, roughly. Every time I get a massage, I make a bold and definitive statement to myself. I say "I am going to do this every month." I say "I deserve a massage each month." I say "It’s worth it. I need it." I’ve been dealing with chronic back and hip pain for about 9 years and massage is definitely one form of self-care that helps alleviate this pain. So I’m going to do this monthly, I declare, to myself, from the table, in my state of bliss.
And then months pass by.
My intentions for radical self-care are often thwarted by radical excuses. Or radical procrastination. Or radical what? Negligence? Radical negligence. Those two words together just made me shudder. But isn’t that what it really boils down to, when I ignore this important piece of my self-care plan?
I know it feels good. It makes me feel better. It diminishes my pain. And yet I don’t go. Am I a masochist?
What is it that prevents us from doing the very things that are most pleasurable, most beneficial, most healing, most loving? (That's a rhetorical question. Or maybe it isn't.)
So I finally got back on the table. And needless to say, Melody found many knots to untie.
Her style is a fusion of Swedish, Deep Tissue, Trigger Point, I think I even noticed some Thai massage stretches in there, and sometimes, it was intense.
Truth of the matter is sometimes it did not feel good. Actually, sometimes, it hurt.
But, like most positive changes in my life, and maybe your life too, there is some degree of ‘pain’ that often needs to be experienced on the path to recovery and healing. Untangling, undoing, unknotting, and sure, while we’d love for things to be all pleasure-y, all blissy, all the time, oftentimes, first comes the work.
And we worked. She worked on me, and I worked on tolerating it. She kneaded and I unfolded. She honed in on my problem areas and I honed in on releasing the tension that causes me so much pain. She worked on untying the knots and I worked on breathing into the knots, softening and surrendering to her therapeutic touch, fingers and hands that invited me to entertain the possibility of another way of being.
Some of the knots were untied. And much to my joy, when we were done, for a while, I felt less pain in my back and hip than I have felt in many months. The “pain” brought relief… irony, I know, but it’s true.
Next time, I’m not going to wait months to do it. Massage is medicine for me. It's not indulgence. It's not splurging. It’s an act of self-love and care. And I, above all else, am deserving of my love and care.
 _If I knew that by mid-March I would still be struggling with 'rules' and would not have even come close to making the progress I wanted to make, I wouldn't have started this SacredSexyHealthy thing. See, what I thought, by going public with my journey is that somehow, the journey would be easier. With a bunch of people watching, how could I fail? I imagined the extra weight dropping off, and a new, energized, more 'perfect' me would emerge and inspire 'the world' to make healthy changes in their lives, yada yada yada.
I did a Cleanse in January. I enlisted support of Living Well Dallas, I bought a Fluidity barre system, I made some big changes for a couple weeks at a time... but I am still struggling, and it doesn't matter if anyone's watching. In fact, just as succeeding in front of people is awesome, struggling in front of people is just embarrassing. Discouraging. Disheartening.
I'm not giving up. I'm readjusting.
Yesterday, I wrote to Jenny Bair, the Passioneer of Purpose and co-founder of Living Well Dallas, as she checked in on my progress...
Discouraged and a little sick of myself. I'm having a hard time sticking to any change. Looking forward to getting started with Jean (Vance, Debbie Ford coach) this week and getting to the bottom of my self-sabotage silliness with this health stuff... Struggling a bit. :(
And she wrote me back something that jostled me just enough to create a small shift, which as we all know, is sometimes all we really need:
Accept yourself as you are. Accept Accept Accept.
Easier said than done! But I know what self-acceptance feels like. I've been there before. What if this SacredSexyHealthy thing, with all of its great intentions, has moved me away from self-acceptance, in my striving and efforts to be healthier? And is it possible to be/do both, simultaneously??I've been doing that thing... that thing I used to work hard not to do - that "when I ___ , then I will be happier... then my life will be perfect..." thing. In the meantime, beating myself up and shooting myself down when I miss the mark! That, my friend, is the opposite of self-acceptance!I have a hard time toggling the line of self-improvement while practicing self-acceptance. They seem contradictory, in a way.
But then again, self-acceptance is not resignation...
I do know this:- Regimented rules and routines don't work for me. Choosing choice by choice makes more sense: What does my body want right now? What does my body need? Not what does this piece of paper say I should eat right now?- I have a terrible (secret) habit of equating my WEIGHT LOSS with success. It's how I measure progress. Sure it's one measurement tool, but just one. To think I am not succeeding, when in reality, I've made MANY great changes since January seems a bit twisted. How is that I allow that stupid number on the stupid scale to determine my success, still, after all these years of inner work? - Beating myself up isn't working for me. It hurts and makes me tired. I lose momentum... it's like cutting rips in my hot air balloon. I am simply trying not to sink, instead of traveling effortlessly on the winds of love and kindness.- My weekend "anything goes" policy toward careless drinking and eating affect way more than a number on the scale. My state of being, my mind and well-being are at stake.
- I am worth making good choices.- Focusing on the feelings I want to experience is much more loving and kind approach, that I think I will respond better to.
- I would rather be healthier and wildly in love with myself than 'perfect".
And of course, I'm not being unrealistic about the perfect thing... I know there is no such thing. But I also know that I've been thinking of my wellness path and eating right, primarily, as a pass or fail thing.
On a "good day", when I "pass", I'm somehow more worthy of my own love and affection. I think nice things about myself.On a bad day, when I "fail", I'm shit. The only promise or hope or consolation is that tomorrow will be 'better'... I will behave. I will do better. I will be a good girl. I have no nice words or names or thoughts toward myself. In fact, quite the opposite. I am downright mean.Do you see the madness here?
So I'm revamping and trying something different on my wellness path. First of all, I will think of letter grades when it comes to how I do each day, and I won't just think of what I eat, or how I fail... but I will take into account the nice things I do for myself, the way I care for my body, if I spend time moving, etc... and assign a letter grade for the day... today, so far, I have a B+. I'm going out to eat later with a friend which might lower me to a C... but a C is still okay. It's not 'pass or fail' anymore.
I'm going to make choices focused more on self-love than striving for this version of me I may never be. I will care for myself as if I am in love with myself. Not trying to whip myself into this thinner version. And why does it matter to me so damned much? This stupid 20 pounds has robbed me of so much joy.
I recommit to a healthier life. Imperfect, but healthier.
I recommit to self-kindness.
I recommit to recommitting.
And I trust the process, as 'imperfect' as it's been... and what if that, in itself, is PERFECT!?Join the conversation: SacredSexyHealthy Facebook GroupArtwork by Eva Carter
 _I have lots and lots of talents and skills. Dieting is not one of them. Following rules, menus and regimens is one that I often fool myself into thinking I want, but really... I don't!
I had a great consultation with Betty Murray two weeks ago, and exactly a week ago today I got my Ultrameal mix, did my shopping and got ready for my quick start rapid loss diet... well, I didn't start too quick and I haven't lost anything. I'm not following the 80/20 rule at all... (80% adherence/diligence, 20% indulgence/permission to 'cheat'.) It's more like 50/50.
Here's what I'm doing right... Let's focus on that for now. :)
I'm really enjoying the UltraMeal smoothies, available at Living Well Dallas. I bought Chocolate and Vanilla, cuz I like options, and I blend with fruit, coconut milk and other yummy ingredients. Really enjoying these daily treats.
 Salmon Scramble recipe for the asking! _I DID just make one of the Living Well Dallas recipes, which was a delicious Salmon Scramble... Olive oil, eggs, onion, spinach, tomato and a can of wild salmon. I've never had eggs with salmon before. What a delicious Tuesday Brunch. I tripled the recipe so I'll have more for later in the week.
I have worked out with my Fluidity system four times in 10 days which is pretty excellent, for me! Not to mention a few walks in there as well.
I have a nasty little bug now, though, so I'm stuffy and achy and sick and lazy, and just want to lay on the couch. Even canceled a MUCH needed massage at Living Well because the even the idea of laying face-down on the table hurts my face. Resisting the urge to turn to comfort foods. I did enjoy some gumbo last night that by sweet boyfriend Matt brought to me, by request.
The weekend was a complete cheat-fest though... this continues to be my sore spot, the weekends and my social life. Let's not even talk about the lasagna.
I'm getting tired of sorting everything I do, eat or drink as "good" or "bad"... and I like the school of thought that says things are only as good or bad as we decide they are... but I also know myself as a master rationalizer/Queen of Justification. And that sounds a lot like a handy-dandy justification to eat whatever the hell I want to.
Does eating a cheeseburger reflect my so-called-desire to be healthy? No. Then why was I so HELLBENT on Saturday to have one? (I even texted my boyfriend: You hungry? I want to be bad. Cheeseburger-bad.) One of my favorite authors and teachers, Debbie Ford would argue that I have a bigger, deeper and stronger UNDERLYING COMMITMENT that trumps my so-called-desire to be healthy. And what might that be? Dare I explore it? Hey wait! Haven't I done this before? Sheesh.
I give myself permission to splurge as 'rewards' for eating well during the week. Does that make sense? I am still categorizing the "bad" food as the prize... the good food then, is the punishment? Shouldn't the prize be a longer, healthier life, feeling good, yada yada?
Why do I enjoy 'cheating' just as much, if not more than, eating 'right'?
What do I really want? To be healthy? Or to simply lose weight? And what's the difference, for me?
Such an intricately tangled web of stories, justifications, shadows, lies and excuses I am in the process of untangling.
I continue to extend patience and compassion toward myself, trusting the process and taking it all one step at a time. I encourage and invite you to do the same. Stay open to your questions, and gentle and honest with your answers.
How are YOU doing?I'm back to the couch to fight this bug.
Til next time..
Be well.
There I was, halfway through the second month of 2012 and my New Year's Resolve had fizzled.
Anyone relate?
While I am still WANTING to make the changes and choices to be able to reach my health and wellness goals, I am too easily swayed and knocked off track when it comes to these things:
- french fries
- cocktails
- movement (or lack thereof)
- less focus and desire to plan, shop, chop and cook for myself
- various "cheats" like drive-throughs, cheese dip, indulgent spreads at parties and whatnot.
 _So I decided to call in the big guns... I finally got my butt to Living Well Dallas and began- really began my professionally-supported wellness path.I sat with the owners and founders of Living Well Dallas, Betty Murray and Jenny Bair to lay out a plan. First and foremost, they asked me what my goals were. Oh. Goals, eh? Those would help. While I'm great at helping my coaching clients determine their goals, I've always been so vague and general when it comes to my wellness goals... time to hone in a little, and get clear about what I'm wanting! 1. To make healthy living and healthy choices a habit instead of a special occasion. 2. To release excess weight, 20 lbs would be awesome. 3. To eliminate chronic pain (hip, back) 4. To feel better than I ever have, to radiate brighter and be an example of the transformative power of good choices and taking control of my health. Once we got those in place, Betty began a comprehensive assessment of my overall health, currently and historically... which meant LOTS of questions. What was uncomfortable about this was that I came face to face with many truths about my lifestyle, my choices, even some secrets involving things like cigarettes, vodka, drive-throughs, and other unmentionables... I felt exposed, vulnerable yet... CLEAN. (What's that twelve-step saying? "You're only as sick as your secrets...") Once we got all that out, we even went into family history and then she began to create a plan of action for me.Based on my desire to transform my body, and to see results in time for my 3.31.12 Femme Fatale Carnivale, she prescribed a "Quick Start" diet, which compared to the strictness of the Cleanse, seems quite delicious and exciting. However, one of my greatest challenges is feeling too structured, too limited or overwhelmed. I know myself well enough to know that I am not going to aim for 100% adherence, but would rather use the diet as a way to align myself better to the type of eating I want to do as a lifestyle, and make exceptions for special treats and occasional indulgences... (I don't even like the word diet, and I know that my body knows that "diets" don't work... real change works.) I will do my best to use as it to guide me, not control me. (If you remember, feeling controlled is one of my least favorite feelings...) She introduced me to Sinuplex, a natural supplement that will help me with my sinus and allergy pain and daily headaches and told me to try Ultrameal shakes for breakfast or snacks while on my Quick Start Diet. She recommended that I eat Nori (dried seaweed strips) to help with my changes in hormone and worsening menstrual symptoms.
 _I also finally got my Fluidity Barre system which I have a love/hate relationship with! It's an INTENSE workout that I have been doing every other day, and while it's SO good for me, of course I have resistance to most changes that are for my best.
I also had a session with Brenda Briscoe, Living Well Dallas' Bowenwork Practioner. If you've never experienced Bowenwork, I HIGHLY recommend it.
 Brenda Briscoe rocks! _While its science is very precise and physiological, Brenda describes it quite simply to laypeople like me as this: "Bowenwork is a gentle (but deep), hands-on therapy done through clothing which brings every system of the body into balance. It sends new nerve signals to the brain to help you get out of the fight or flight mode, also to break the pain/spasm/pain cycle. Bottom line: quick, profound, long-lasting resolution to pain and other conditions." I'll take it! I can't quite describe the way it feels, because it's so different from any type of bodywork I've had. The Bowenwork practitioner works for a couple minutes, with these slight and intense kneading movements with her fingers, separating muscle from fascia, and then she leaves the room for a few minutes. It feels so good when she's working, that when she leaves, you feel like yelling "NOOOO! Don't go! Don't stop!" but then, when you're alone with your body, and experiencing the sensations of the activations happening inside you that she has initiated, that's when the real magic happens. I'm talking about great physical pleasure, tingling, gentle and pleasurable electrical sensations that move up and down the entire length of your body, and some of the deepest relaxation I've ever experienced. It puts me into what feels to me to be theta state- a meditative, dream-like wakefulness... not asleep, but not awake, almost hallucinating, or at least having thoughts that had no basis in reality. For me, a Bowenwork session is PURE BLISS. I can't wait til my next one.It sure feels good to be back on track.I have been impressing myself with my newly charged resolve. I think that's the secret for me. I need to CHARGE my resolve regularly, like we charge our cell phones when the battery gets low... what charges me is SUPPORT, new things to try, variety, interesting and exciting experimentation... and most of all: enjoyment and pleasure. I'm there again. I can do this. I am recommitted and on the right track. And to the little voice inside of me that mocks me... "Oh boy... here she goes again. Resolved... AGAIN..." I say this: YES. Again. At least I get back up, at least I am trying. I have not given up. I am not seeking perfection. I just want to be better than I was. I want happiness. Wellness. Health. I deserve those things. I'm worth the money, the effort, the resolve and starting over. And over and over, if that's what it takes. How's your resolve? What charges your resolve? What can you recommit to? You're not alone! Support is there for those who seek it. Come on over to t he SacredSexyHealthy Facebook Group and join the conversation!
 I retreated. I indulged. Press reset! On January 15th, I decided to start the 21 day Cleanse over again. I was technically more than halfway through, but then I retreated that weekend with 12 other women for a Goddess Getaway. Let's just say eating within the Cleanse guidelines suddenly seemed to be less important than having fun, and having fun for me, that particular weekend, had a lot to do with eating and drinking!
It was interesting to notice the super quick effects on my system, when I reintroduced dairy, wheat, gluten, sugar, alcohol and corn into my body. (All within hours!) It was as if my body said "WHAAAAA? REALLY, Lisa??" So while I certainly enjoyed the short term gratification of indulging, (as in "mmmmm....) there were consequences that I had to accept as well. My digestive system was all jacked up... let's just say things weren't moving as smoothly as they had been. I felt sluggish and hazy the next day, and found myself desiring a quick and speedy "RESET!"
I decided instead of calling it a "Cheat Day" (It was more like a full-blown affair) I would start my Cleanse from Day 1. The truth of the matter is, this time around, I'm finding it MORE difficult to adhere to all of the rules of the Cleanse. Granted, I am eating VERY differently than I used to, I've eliminated soy, corn, flour, wheat and most sugars... but there are other parts I've been slacking on. Missing the mark. Short of perfection.
Really though, I'm doing the best I can, right now. I think that's what matters. Striving for perfection is exhausting. Striving to be better than I was is liberating and empowering.
So of course there are many things I want to do better, I want to be better at. But in this moment, I want to focus on what I did well this week. One of the things I want to celebrate is that yesterday, I allowed myself to be lazy and lounge around much of the day, WITHOUT being sick or having a hangover. If you know me, you know that for me to slow down and have unscheduled time to laze around is really unheard of, so much so, that my body HAS to get sick before I will lay around and rest. For this reason, I believe, my wily and clever body comes down with strep throat a few times a year, just to get me to cancel my plans, lay around and rest. And every time this happens, I say, "I hear you body. I will rest. And maybe next time, I will just rest, without having to get sick to do so."
This week, I actually did it. And it felt really good.
NOW I am ready to move. I admit that one component missing from my wellness challenge this first month has been adequate movement. I've moved a little more, but my body longs for MORE.
My Success Plan this week: - MORE MOVEMENT. Three to five 30 minute walks. Scheduling "walk n talks" with friends so I can also get my socializing and connection time in, too! Yoga on Monday too.- A day off on Friday (no working allowed. SO hard when I love my work so much, but I'm excited about the day. An art museum trip with a friend, a massage... yum!- Getting together with my wellness team at Living Well Dallas to plan a comprehensive strategy for my goals.- Doing my best to adhere to my Cleanse guidelines. - I'm going to experiment more with quinoa, my new favorite grain!- Drink more water. I've been skimping, more like the 'old days' of dehydration as a lifestyle... NEED MORE AGUA!
What's your Success Plan for the week? Do tell!:)
 Long story short, my inner child is thirteen years old. She's rebellious, rambunctious and rowdy. She hates being told what to do and thinks most things, especially things she "has to do" are stupid or boring. She's fun at parties and bounces around like Tigger in social situations. She's a blast, and really comes in handy sometimes. Other times, she's a brat and sets out to sabotage me.
I met her in therapy years ago, when it became evident through reviewing years of choices and actions, that she'd been 'driving the car' for years. My wonderful therapist Bob worked with me on getting her to move over to the passenger seat, and let Grown-Up Me take over. ("You don't have to kick her out of the car," he said "but you can't let her keep driving...") Good times.
A couple years ago, I even had a birthday "Alter Ego" party. Tongue in cheek, I showed up as "Thirteen." (See left!)
I love that I have this side of me, I love that she loves to play, she loves people, loves fun, is a blast to hang with and is always up for an adventure. What I haven't loved lately are her efforts to sabotage my wellness choices.
She surprised me with a visit in a Drawing Out Process session, with Process Creator, Emily Eldredge, showing up immediately, as Emily invited me to explore the "WHYs" of my health and fitness sabotages-of-the past.
 _Emily asked me to draw her, with crayons. And as I did, Emily asked me about her. Thirteen was suspicious of all these changes. Resistant. Scared.
Emily then guided me through a dialogue with her. I'll be honest, it was a little weird- I felt a little crazy, like Sybil at times, my voice even sounded different when Thirteen spoke! But as Emily probed and prodded Thirteen, and I continued to allow her to speak, we realized some really interesting things...
- Thirteen PRETENDS to hate changes, like new healthy foods and healthy choices, like if I want to go see a movie instead of go to happy hour... she calls them BORING and STUPID. But REALLY, she admitted, she's just uncomfortable.
- Thirteen is scared that if Grown-Up Me continues to grow up, I will forget her. Ignore her. That she will be destroyed. No wonder she wants to sabotage my efforts. She's afraid of annihilation.
- Secretly, she actually LIKES some of the new foods and choices I've been making. And she REALLY loves hoop dancing!
- She really just wants to be included. She doesn't hate me getting healthy. In fact, she admitted that when I'm healthier, she actually has more fun, because we have more energy and stamina and spirit. Thirteen loves those things! She just doesn't want to be forgotten. She doesn't want to die.
She and Grown-Up Me made a pact. I will include her in this getting healthy thing- giving her plenty of opportunities to play, have fun, be rambunctious and rowdy, and once in a while even indulgent... and she promised to cancel her efforts to pull me off path.
 _We shook on it. I felt lighter. More peaceful.
Then Emily asked me to draw another picture of her. This is what I drew. Notice any difference?
We asked Thirteen to speak again. She said wasn't scared anymore. She trusted me, and that I wouldn't ever let her die. I told her I loved her. Not just that. I LIKED her. That made her very happy.
I think Thirteen and I are going to have a great time getting healthier together.
You can learn more about Emily Eldredge and her innovative and unique Drawing Out Process here.
So Week One of my 'new leaf' for healthier living and the 21-day Cleanse has passed and while I wasn't perfect, I've decided 'perfect' is not what I'm aiming for. I just want to do better. Do better than the lazy, careless choices I've been making with how to take care of myself. Do better, like someone who CARES about themselves and what they put into their bodies.
And I've had SO much fun this week.
I'm pretty proud of myself. Check it out, yo. In the last week, I:
- bought a bunch of things I'd never bought before, and have been brave and experimental!
- made kale chips
- fell in love with coconut oil
- fried some eggplant in aforementioned coconut oil, lightly dusted with flaxseed meal...
- danced
- hooped
- walked
- stayed away from most sugars (although I'm holding onto my coffee and flavored creamer in the morning, for now, I've reduced most all other sugars)
- no white flour or wheat
- no corn or corn products
- no dairy
- no diet soda (I admit, I miss it, a lot.) or artificial sweetners
- drank a few hundred ounces of water (I used to say I didn't like water. Now I know what it feels like to be hydrated.)
- made a delectable vegetable soup that I ate all week
- slept like a baby most nights
- bought organic for the first time
- dropped nearly 7 lbs (now I know why it's called a "cleanse"... lots of bathroom visits, all day long!)
- had an awesome Drawing Out Process session with Emily Eldridge that was VERY informative, enlightening and healing. (I'll share more about that later.)
- started a 2 week liver cleanse, now half-way through...
NOT BAD for Week One, I'll say. Friday night was definitely a "cheat night"... seems far easier to follow the guidelines when I stay in my house. Met some friends out, with the intention of not drinking alcohol. That didn't work. I also smoked cigarettes, starting with a 'mooched' one, then onto my own fresh pack... but getting caught up in shaming myself isn't gonna serve me. It happened. I'm done. Moving on.
I DID jump right back on track with the Cleanse rules the next day, and I was really surprised at how quick my bounce-back time was.
Overall, I'm feeling is soooo much better than I was before I started. One of the main differences I notice away from the 'bad carbs' and sugars is that my energy levels stay consistent all day long, for the most part, as well as my moods. ANOTHER cool thing is that I haven't really been craving sugars or starches the way I used to. I stay 'satisfied' after eating for much longer and while I'm snacking healthy throughout the day, I don't get that ravenous feeling that makes me grab at anything and make poor choices. My cravings for junk seem to be gone, or at least not obsessive! My 'old life' was a roller-coaster existence with highs and lows all day (sugar highs and crashes, no doubt.). I like this steady energy and consistent happy mood thing! Then when it's time for bed, I'm tired and I crash... the way I was designed to.
I'm excitedly moving into Week Two knowing firsthand how much food affects my moods, feeling the difference in my energy level, my vitality. Crazy no-brainer, but some of us are a little slower than others: Eating GOOD food means I feel GOOD! Seems simple, doesn't it? No, I have not lost my affection for french fries. And I do have some lusty plans for reuniting with a good chunk of cheese later this month... but for now, I'm staying away. Cause feeling good feels really, really good.
So how about you?
- What successes would you like to brag on?
- Try anything new?
- What bloopers or slips can you let yourself off the hook for, and get back on track with me?You can share them in the comments below, or post them on the Facebook page. I wanna know. Cause we're in this together. ;)
Here's to a sacred, sexy, HEALTHY week two of 2012, for you and for me!
 _Years ago, I thought it'd be funny to write and publish a flip-book of excuses. It'd be spiral-bound, sorted by category, you'd keep it by the phone, use it whenever you need a good one. Because I've got a lot of them, enough for a flip book. Some of my best ones, though, I've used on myself.I've had a lot of great excuses over the years, about why I haven't stayed committed to my desires for healthy living, movement and dedicated self-care. And so have you. I asked the SacredSexyHealthy group for some of their favorite excuses. Here are some of them. Any of them sound familiar? (ME: yes.)
- too busy.
- too tired.
- not enough time.
- not enough money.
- past wounds, depression, victim-thinking.
- too lazy.
- it's too difficult...
Think of all your favorite excuses, throw them in a paper sack in your mind, roll over the top so they don't jump out, and put a big sticker on the bag, labeling them for what they really are: resistance. Every possible, creative and not-so-creative excuse you've ever used is really about you resisting what on ONE level you SAY you want, on another, deeper, even unconscious level, you are resisting. Why? Why would we resist what we want? What we KNOW is good for us? I'm going to ask you to do something really brave with me, right now. You might even want to go sit with your journal for this one.Soooo... when you think of your life so far, and consider your resistance to getting healthier, making choices and changes that will make your life better, help you live longer, make you feel great... ask yourself this: Why am I resisting? What am I really afraid of?Ask it again. What am I REALLY afraid of?
Once more. What am I really AFRAID of?
I realized recently that at the root of my resistance was fear. I bet it's at the root of your resistance, too.
Here are some of my fears...
- I'm afraid of being boring.
- I'm afraid of missing out on fun.- I'm afraid of feeling controlled.- I'm afraid of becoming "one of those" annoying health zealots that knows everything about everything and makes people feel uncomfortable at parties (like- "do you KNOW what the cows that made the milk that made that brie WERE FED?" "Do you know that taco chip has 39 artificial flavors in it?")
- I'm afraid if I get too awesome I will be unlikable and unloved.
- I'm afraid of life being "TOO PERFECT". If I am completely healthy, fit, happy... if all my chronic pain is gone... if my allergy suffering goes away... THEN WHAT?? What will I complain about? What will be expected of me?
Granted, these are not all "surface fears" that permeate my conscious thoughts... some of them took some digging, they were hidden pretty well, cleverly disguised as judgments, opinions and resistances of all sorts...
But they are in there, sneaky little bastards. And until now, I've let them hang out and keep me 'safe.' You might have some too.
Your answers may look like mine or may include things like...
- I'm afraid of losing friends.
- I'm afraid my family will reject me.
- I'm afraid that THEN I'll have to make some even tougher changes.
- Will the dynamic in my marriage change, once I am loving myself, really loving myself well? (If you're asking that, it probably will.)
What, UP TIL NOW, have you been afraid of, really afraid of, when it comes to being the healthiest, most vital and alive version of yourself?
I've just exposed myself. Please ease my awkward vulnerability by doing the same... won't you? ;)
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